Say what you mean when it’s mean, what you say

Sometimes, what sporting people intend to say is not what they mean and what it means is no mean feat. Or something like that … just ask these American Football linguistic legends.

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
“I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”

New Orleans Saint running back George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ’Skins say, “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said,
“To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treats us like men.
He lets us wear earrings.”

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.”
And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a colour photograph of himself above is locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’”

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four Fs and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: “Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye.”

All president accounted for Any wonder such confusion reigns, when their very President – well, now former President – of the United States can come up with these pearlers. (George W. Bush, we miss you already.) “The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.” “If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” “One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is to be prepared.” “We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.” “I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.” “The future will be better tomorrow.” “We’re going to have the best educated American people in the world.” “I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.” “We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.” “Public speaking is very easy.” “A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.” “For NASA, space is still a high priority.” “Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.” “It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” And, perhaps, most prophetic of all: “It's time for the human race to enter the solar system.” – George.W. Bush

 

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