First, I was shepherded through a variety of call options, none of which applied to me. I finally ended up with an operator who answered my call.

“Could I have your name, please?” 

“John Sheridan.”

“Right Sean, how can I help?”

“It’s not Sean, it is John.”

“That’s what I said…Sean.”

“No, not Sean … John.”

“Right, Jean … can I have your email address please?”

“Why do you want my email address? I am trying to get in contact with a Microsoft employee in Canberra and need their phone number.”

“I can’t give that to you.”

“Right, I will call somebody in the ACT who will then. Goodbye.”

Which I did. Successfully.

Frustrating, and time wasting.

Not rude, just disinterestedly reading a script.

But a sign of things to come shortly.

Later that day I went online to the Microsoft store and tried to buy something.

I found the right page, followed the prompts and was told to put in my account details. I put in my email address but couldn’t remember my password, so was prompted to put in my date of birth.

Which I did … only to be informed that it wasn’t my date of birth. When of course it was.

Impasse.

Back on the phone.

How do I let Microsoft know that they have my identity details wrong?

Back to the menu of options, none of which applied.

Arghh!

More time wasted, and more frustration and these guys want me to move even further onto a “cloud” platform, where everything happens online. With nobody to call when things go wrong.

A platform that doesn’t work properly.

A platform that gives me no easy way to fix my problems.

A platform designed to make their lives easier not mine.

And they want me to trust them with my business.

I have no problem with that in principle. But in practice, everything has to work simply, easily and reliably for me to be happy, and it doesn’t. So I am not.

And I know that at some point in the future I will have to call them about this issue. Some time when I have hours to waste and I am feeling very relaxed and patient.

And who do I call? Who do I speak with to resolve my identity issue?

I didn’t even know I had an identity issue.

Now I do. But only with them.

Yet I know who I am. I know when I was born. So what is going on?

How has it come to this?

It used to be simple and straightforward to buy software. Probably still is for most people. But apparently not for me.

Something that should be simple and straightforward has now become complex and awkward. It is intimidating.

And even worse is not being able to speak to somebody that might be able to help.

Who do I call?

- John Sheridan, May 2014.